Fifteen Things no one Needs to Know
by bbclyokomutant
Summary: Selected Artemis Fowl characters have a list of fifteen things no one needs to know. No1 now up!
1. Chapter 1

Artemis

1. He sends twenty thousand US dollars to people he robs.

2. He sometimes thinks about stealing the Mona Lisa before he remembers what Holly said.

3. He did wear that randomosity t-shirt when Miles asked him.

4. He sometimes still counts his words when he's talking to Miles and Beckett.

5. He thinks Butler needs a raise

6. When he kissed Holly's forehead, he was thinking about her lips.

7. His clone feels the same way about Holly as Artemis does.

8. He once got less than a 100% on a math test in the fifth grade.

9. He sometimes wonders if his father will leave again.

10. He secretly can't wait for the next fairy catastrophe.

11. Because he knows he'll see Holly.

12. He once lost a game of chess to Minerva Paradiso.

13. He admires Opal's ingenuity.

14. He has an umbreon sweatshirt.

15. He is hopelessly in love with Holly Short.


	2. Chapter 2

**Holly**

1. She once went to Disneyland Paris to laugh at Trouble, who was undercover there.

2. She sometimes thinks Artemis is going to steal the Mona Lisa.

3. She read Twilight and secretly thinks of herself as Bella and Artemis as Edward.

4. She has a diary.

5. She loves Taylor Swift.

6. She and Corporal Frond used to be best friends.

7. Holly still thinks of Artemis's clone as Artemis.

8. Frond once got a better score than her in combat training.

9. She wonders if Orion will come back sometimes. Ugh.

10. She secretly can't wait for the next fairy catastrophe.

11. Because she gets to see Artemis.

12. She told Minerva Paradiso how to beat Artemis at chess.

13. She plays chess.

14. She once dressed up as a smoochum for Halloween.

15. She is hopelessly in love with Artemis Fowl.


	3. Chapter 3

Foaly

1. He still misses Julius sometimes.

2. He once stole Opal's plans for an invention.

3. He still wears the tinfoil.

4. He thinks Artemis and Holly should just get on with it already.

5. He wrote a script that describes Holly's and Artemis's love life.

6. Holly threatened him when he told her about it.

7. He loves Twilight.

8. His favorite movie is Black Beauty.

9. He can't wait for the next fairy catastrophe.

10. Because he wants to brag about his new tech.

11. He used to play Dungeons & Dragons.

12. He knows Puff the Magic Dragon.

13. He thinks Artemis has a shred of good in him.

14. He loves Harry Potter even though he knows its speciest.

15. He has a sneaking suspicion that Opal is still watching him.


	4. Chapter 4

Butler

1. He thinks his job is a lot of fun.

2. He thinks that the clone is too good to be Artemis.

3. He's pretty sure Artemis couldn't run a mile if there was the secret to eternal life at the end.

4. He thinks Artemis would somehow cheat to get it.

5. He thinks Artemis should dress more casually.

6. He sees the way Artemis and Holly look at each other.

7. He has a list of people to assassinate.

8. He once starred in Swan Lake.

9. He prefers chess to guns.

10. He's going to have Holly start teaching Artemis self-defense.

11. Somehow he thinks Artemis would be more willing if she were teaching him.

12. He has been training Beckett in Pencak Silat.

13. He wonders if he would take this job if it wasn't forced on him.

14. He once dressed up as a machamp for Miles and Beckett one Halloween.

15. He's not sure if Beckett and Miles could be more destructive than Opal Koboi.

**OMG sorry for not updating in so long. Review and don't hate me?**


	5. Chapter 5

This chapter dedicated to Fowl Star 57. Sorry if it didn't turn out exactly right. :)

Opal

1. She is jealous of Artemis because of his freedom.

2. She used to be bullied when she was in school.

3. Who's laughing now, Igneous Finkelstein?

4. She wishes she were a redhead.

5. She kinda sorta liked Foaly.

6. She is so jealous of Caballine.

7. She knows full well Foaly stole her tech.

8. She was kind of obsessed with Black Veil Brides.

9. She sort of wished she had kept her younger self alive.

10. She always wanted a younger sister.

11. She knows one day she'll be back.

12. She always wanted to be "Daddy's Little Girl".

13. Until he said that no girl would ever be successful.

14. She is actually allergic to chocolate.

15. She keeps the truffles to throw at her servants.


	6. Chapter 6

Corporal Frond

1. She hates being the bimbo mascot for LEP.

2. She would gladly go out on field missions.

3. Julius told her that she would get her pretty face scraped up.

4. She's really not that stupid.

5. She absolutely loathes Captain Short.

6. She beat Minerva Paradiso in chess.

7. She and Minerva are actually best friends.

8. But she usually just sits on a chair and watches Minerva mess with computers.

9. She's surprised that no one else notice Artemis and Minerva have the same name.

10. But Holly and Foaly and even Mulch would just say she was being stupid.

11. She knows she's not the brightest, but she isn't stupid.

12. Daddy said men like pretty faces.

13. But not smart girls.

14. She misses the times when she and Holly wore friendship bracelets.

15. It's not her fault she beat Holly in hand to hand combat.


	7. Chapter 7

Minerva Paradiso

**Only one person got number nine in my last chapter. Thank you, DarkShadowOwl for understanding irony. You have one the distinguished only-person-apparently-who-gets-irony award! Lets give her a round of applause, folks!**

1. She used to want a pony for every birthday until she turned seven.

2. Her mother was the only one who actually understood her.

3. She now plans on either curing cancer, or killing it.

4. Depending on what quote the newspapers use.

5. She wonders if Artemis ever came back.

6. Or if he's just ignoring her.

7. She really doesn't mind having Lili in her lab all the time.

8. She just hates it when that idiot Kelp comes to pick her up.

9. Really, one of the reasons people call Lili stupid is that it's obvious Kelp doesn't want her.

10. Minerva wonders what happened to all her old friends.

11. She used to spend hours playing with them.

12. Then someone said that she would never amount to anything.

13. That's when books and computers became the important thing.

14. She wouldn't mind if Daddy got Justin Timberlake to sing at her birthday.

15. Maybe she would catch up with her friends.

BONUS!

16. She is not entirely sure what kind of people she would love.

**If you don't get 16, well... I'm sure you'll get it eventually. Think about rainbows and Oscar from the office.**


	8. Chapter 8

**No1**

1. He wonders if he's still a freak.

2. Or if he's a "valuable asset".

3. They mean the same thing, it just depends on what side you're on.

4. He sometimes misses Hybras.

5. It's so hard to find the murky purple and gray sunset here.

6. Plus, now he needs a permit to feel the grass beneath his feet.

7. Even though the other demons don't think much of it.

8. He tried to find the demon he thought was his mother once.

9. But there were crises to take care of.

10. He wants to buy a pet monkey.

11. He is a Whovian.

12. He is considering being Foaly.

13. He wonders what happened to that girl, Minerva Paradiso.

14. Just because he got a bad first impression doesn't mean she's not a nice girl.

15. He kind of misses the old Artemis.


	9. Chapter 9

Remember SOPA? Well, it's back. SOPA 2013 will BAN fanfiction, fan art, fan videos, even BACKGROUND MUSIC. Sheesh. Anyways. There's a petition somewhere on , so check that out. Also, this story is on hiatus indefinitely. Buh-bye.


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